Later, in secondary school I took up French and Spanish. These were both learnt in a very staged and gradual approach with much repetition and support from text books. Also, in school I took a few classes in German, of which I remember little. These experiences were varied and I have had different opportunities to use these languages in the real world.
Irish is the first and most complex in terms of cultural baggage. When I was growing up it was burdened by history and cultural nationalism. It has since evolved to a large extent. It is also a language riven by divisions and protectionist debates about correct usage. The teaching was caught up in the many obscure complexities of the language over communicative usage. Too afraid to speak in case I would misuse a tense or stumble upon an English word, I was put off and unlearnt most of my Irish at secondary school. I don't think I'm unique in that. I feel it as a loss which I must remedy someday.
My experience of French was different. The summer before I went to college I travelled to Brittany for a job that fell through, and ended up traveling around for a month. I found that my school French served me well. I was confident that I could understand most of what was being said and could respond, if not with ease, at least to keep communication flowing. Until the French lecturer warned us off on the first day of university, my plan had been to continue with French for my degree. Instead, I opted for Spanish and Italian. My Italian never flourished, due to a lack of effort, but I found what I did learn easy to pick up. Many years later, it was sufficient to get by on holidays there. Despite some bumps on the way and a weak initial foundation from school, I have become fluent in Spanish. This was assisted by a 3 year sojourn in Spain and a long standing love of all things Mexican.
All of these had been accompanied by some nervous moments, occasional hesitations and blocks, but little fear. Portuguese was different. My time in Rio was extremely positive: people were friendly, usually willing to repeat and slow down for me. But, there were moments that I had blanks. I could not understand what people were saying to me, and I was flummoxed. What's worse my interactions were in easy and apparently predictable situations. I'd ask for food at a cafe and would be asked something back. With no idea what was said I would go blank, forget the phrase 'fale o senhor mais devagar' [could you speak more slowly], and be dumbstruck. There is an incredible feeling of impotency in that situation. I would look blankly and my interlocutor would usually shrug their shoulders and repeat themselves or shake their head and take my money.
It's a very difficult feeling and one that was useful to experience. I now know what it's like and can sympathise better with my students when they too look at me with the same panicked face that, no doubt, I had. However, I braced myself knowing that if I persisted in putting myself in these unnerving situations I would gain in understanding, eventually tune in my ear to what was being said and come out with the appropriate response. This did come about and made my achievement all the sweeter. I can see that these mini-bumps can be very scary. But, (as that self-help phrase goes) it's worth feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
